Has blogging become a public journal?

bye bloggingDid you have a journal/diary while growing up? I did. I had at least four that I can remember. There’s one that really sticks out in my mind, though.

It was blue and green, with three flowers on the front. I wrote in that thing a lot, and a lot of what I wrote, well, it’s kind of embarrassing.

I was 13 and the biggest goodie-goodie you ever met. My priorities were with school and grades, and there are probably a lot of people who could attest to that. Even though 10 years have passed since then, I still often cringe when I think of that 13 year old girl. I’m just not sure I particularly liked her, and I have a hard time recognizing her. She’s so different from the person I am today.

But doesn’t that seem really flawed? To not like yourself because you’re different from the person you are today?

If I think back to six months ago, I’m probably different today then I was then. How could I not be? I’ve grown, learned more about myself, and definitely gained independence that I didn’t have then. Do I look back at myself six months ago and dislike that person? I guess there are certain aspects I would like to change, but if I changed that person wouldn’t it change the present me?

My 13 year old self might have thoughts that make me cringe and think “who are you,” but who I was then lead me to who I am today. And I’m sure I’ll look at myself in six months and think “why did you think that way.” But that’s the awesome thing about life, we can change and we will change (my journals have taught me that).

So why is having a blog such a scary thing? Because the change we all go through is documented for everyone to see. Even scarier, that change is documented for me to see and I know it’s public. I can look at posts  that I wrote a year ago and it makes my stomach twist because I don’t recognize my voice (or even scarier, a picture of myself that just doesn’t look like me).

Having our thoughts be public is incredibly nerve racking, and yet we do it all the time with seemingly little thought (some people more than others). Even just a facebook status is a written reflection of our thoughts at the time that we document publically. I look at my facebook from 2011 and I literally squint at it because my eyes don’t even want to acknowledge the person I was then.

 Who are you?

Well, I’m a person. A person composed of a lot of different life stages. Some stages that I look at fondly and some that I just don’t recognize. But going through those unrecognizable stages are what help shape us into the people we actually want to be. We take those awkward/uncomfortable/unrecognizable stages and realize what we want to change in order to be a better version of ourselves.

So while having a blog essentially means my “journal” has become public, and that often terrifies me, it’s also nice to know people might actually read this and relate to it. And if nobody reads it, then oh well, it’s just like all my other journals: just for my eyes so that in a year I can read this and ask myself, who are you?

Any other bloggers ever feel slightly anxious having such public thoughts? How do you deal?

On a completely different note:

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8 Lovely Comments

  1. Shannon
    Apr 03, 2014 @ 23:07:57

    I had one diary growing up that I begged my mom for and then I think I wrote in it 3 times and then got over it haha!! Being more on the fashion side of blogging I don’t share too much of my thoughts, but sometimes I feel like I should to connect with readers more…

    <3 Shannon
    upbeatsoles.blogspot.com

    Reply

  2. Brittney
    Apr 04, 2014 @ 01:13:55

    The same thoughts have crossed my mind a lot lately. My latest post was a huge public apology for the photoshopping that I’ve done on my blog photos, and the evidence of that is accessible to everyone. Sigh. Maybe we can remedy this by deleting old posts that might not reflect who we are now, although that also smacks of self-censorship.

    Brittney

    Another Beautiful Thing

    Reply

    • Andrea
      Apr 07, 2014 @ 13:01:47

      i remember i used to rip out old journal entries that bugged me lol, but i don’t think I want to do this with my blog (even though I’m tempted). I think it’s more authentic this way.

      Reply

  3. Jess
    Apr 04, 2014 @ 17:50:15

    Aw such a cute post! :)

    http://whattostyle.blogspot.com/

    xoxo,
    Jess

    Reply

  4. Kathrin
    Apr 05, 2014 @ 14:20:51

    a great post!
    wish you a wonderful weekend!

    <3
    http://www.getcarriedaway.net/

    Reply

  5. Jackie
    Apr 05, 2014 @ 20:40:18

    I’ve actually kept up with blogging far better than I ever kept up with any diary or journal I had as a kid. I’m not sure why that is, but I try not to share anything that I wouldn’t WANT to make public. I guess that’s where it’s a bit less diary-like.

    xo Jackie
    Something About That

    Reply

    • Andrea
      Apr 07, 2014 @ 12:58:42

      yeah, very true. I never really share anything overly personal, but even just my writing voice will change over the years. It’s super weird to see documented! lol

      Reply

  6. Kayleigh
    Apr 07, 2014 @ 13:01:34

    I agree with this! Blogging is so much better than a journal and it’s so great!
    XO Kayleigh
    http://www.kayleighskloset.com

    Reply

Let me know what you think :)


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